Selfish and arrogant men… they need no introduction, do they? We know them all too well. Or do we? At one time, I thought I knew how to spot a selfish man, only to find, years later, I had no clue.
When dating, we try to avoid this type of man. We want to date a caring and compassionate man, and any sign of selfishness is a warning sign. Women pay attention to red flags. They are there for a reason ... to warn us. But what happens when there are no red flags?
What if the person you fell in love with never offered up any type of red flag at all? He appeared more caring and sensitive than any man you’ve ever met. You thought you had finally found your soul mate. You fall madly in love, certain you will spend the rest of your life together in heavenly bliss.
Years later, you wake up and realize the man lying in bed next to you is not the man you fell in love with at all. In fact, he’s not even close. There is no resemblance between this selfishly cruel person and the caring and giving man you fell in love with years ago. You know, the man you thought understood you like no one else? Unfortunately, that man does not exist. He never did.
He put on an act for one purpose….to seduce and control you.
And it was for one reason…..to ensure you would be present to cater to his needs and stroke his ego at all times.
This is my story, and I know others can relate.
Have you suddenly found yourself in a relationship with someone who no longer understands you? Are you in love with someone who is overly critical, demeaning and even cruel? Do you feel as though you can do nothing right in his eyes? Are you constantly made to feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong? Are you banging your head against the wall trying to figure out how your relationship went from a fairy-tale to a train-wreck over night?
You have done NOTHING wrong. You may be in a relationship with a Narcissist.
Many people dismiss narcissism as harmless and say it is part of being human. Of course, we all possess narcissistic tendencies. However, it is important to understand that narcissism falls on a spectrum. When a person’s narcissism becomes so severe that it consumes them, it develops into a pathological personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Put simply, pathological behavior describes anything carried to such an extreme that it becomes abnormal. A Narcissist is so wrapped-up in himself that he cannot feel emotions for others. He is incapable of reciprocating love or feeling empathy for anyone. He does not experience these feelings as we do. As a result, doing things for others is pointless to him. His entire life revolves around doing things to please himself.
Narcissists believe the world revolves around them and people exist to accommodate their needs. Narcissists are manipulative, controlling and emotionally abusive to those closest to them. It is not just selfish, arrogant behavior that makes a relationship with someone like this difficult. It is much more devastating and thus, important to understand and recognize as early as possible.
Being in a relationship with a Narcissist is like being on a roller-coaster ride that never ends. One moment, you feel loved, adored and cherished. The next, you feel devalued, discarded and abused. Narcissists have often been described as having a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality. They engage in “crazy-making” behavior to make you feel as though you are losing your mind.
You never know what kind of mood your Narcissist is going to be in and you certainly never know how he is going to treat you. A Narcissist is unpredictable and unstable. You are always walking on eggshells around him. He wants to keep you guessing and doubting yourself at all times.
A Narcissist has delusions of grandeur that are so extreme, it is impossible to live with him and maintain any modicum of sanity. A Narcissist is always right and believes others should feel honored to be in the presence of his greatness.
Charlie Sheen’s recent comments in his war with Warner Brothers provide the perfect example of such “crazy-making” behavior:
• “I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
• “I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps. I’m an F-18, bro.”
• “If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently.”
A Narcissist will eventually devalue and discard you with no remorse. It is inevitable in any relationship with a Narcissist. At some point, he will emotionally and physically withdraw from you and leave you wondering what you did wrong. Please remember, you did NOTHING wrong. It has NOTHING to do with you. A Narcissist is unable to attach in a healthy way to anyone. He craves variety and is easily bored. Ultimately, a Narcissist will pull away in pursuit of new supply no matter what you do.
Waking up to this realization is painful. Narcissism is a disorder that affects us to the very core. My ex-husband joked from day one about being a Narcissist. Unfortunately, it took me eight years to look into the true meaning of narcissism and how it impacts a relationship. When I did, it explained everything to me and opened up a whole new world for me. I have made it a goal to share what I have learned with others so they don’t live in the dark like I did for years.
Knowledge is power and can be truly liberating.
I wrote my first book, It’s All About Him, to build awareness and help others recognize a Narcissist before getting involved. I also started an on-line support forum at www.allabouthim.com where members talk about their attempt to love a Narcissist. No one knows what it is like to be in a relationship with a Narcissist unless they have been through it themselves. Being able to talk to others who are going through a similar experience is very cathartic. Our forum is a safe haven for members to share their story with others who can relate on a level no on else can.
Research tells us narcissism is on the rise. As a result, more and more of us are finding ourselves in relationships with people who do not know how to relate to us. It is important to understand if you’re involved with a Narcissist, he will never change and is incapable of changing. You either accept him for who he is or you move on.
Narcissists lead us to believe we have something we actually do not have, and we hold on to it. We think we have a relationship with an amazing person, when in reality we are living with an illusion that our relationship is special. The acting talent these personalities possess is astounding. They are brilliant con-artists and we must accept that the wonderful person we fell in love with NEVER existed. They hid behind a mask of smoke and mirrors in order to obtain control of us and manipulate us to meet their never-ending child-like needs. Once we learn to see the Narcissist for the person he really is, we are finally able to free ourselves.
I am frequently asked how to get over a Narcissist. While there is no magic pill, you CAN and you WILL survive. It is my sincere hope and belief that the following steps will help you understand what you experienced, process your pain, and heal. It is important to me to provide my readers with a path to recovery. Based on my personal journey, this is what has worked for me.
The Path Forward Now! – The Six Steps
Step 1 – Understand It
We educate ourselves on the personality of a Narcissist. Knowledge is Power!
Step 2 – Get It Out
We find an outlet to share and express our emotions. We Gotta Get it Out!
Step 3 – No Contact
We accept the only way to restore our sanity and regain control of our lives is through No Contact.
Step 4 – Get Real
We no longer deny reality and are ready to face our anger and fear. We must get real to heal.
Step 5 – Wake Up
We tap into the power of our mind to awaken our spirit, take back control of our lives and find ourselves again.
Step 6 – Heal
We have a newfound compassion for ourselves and commit to live in the moment.
In my book, I also address the top 20 questions people in relationships with Narcissists
NEED TO KNOW:
ü Why do they devalue & discard us?
ü Why can’t they change?
ü Why do they seek out relationships?
ü Why can’t it ever work?
ü Why can’t they love?
ü Why can’t they accept love?
ü Why do they dread intimacy?
ü What is a Madonna-Whore Complex?
ü How do they brainwash us?
ü What is Stockholm Syndrome?
ü What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?
ü Why are we drawn to them?
ü Do they miss us?
ü Why do they keep coming back?
ü Why can’t we stop obsessing about them?
ü What is Cognitive Dissonance?
ü Why is it so hard for us to stay away?
ü How can we stay away?
ü How can we take back control?
ü How can we move on for good?
You DO NOT need to waste another moment of your life asking yourself these questions!
Just download this E-book now for immediate answers.
Once we learn to see the Narcissist for the person he really is, we are finally able to free ourselves. We realize we do not need this person in our lives to feel whole and complete. We were whole and complete before this person entered our lives and we will be whole and complete once we end our relationship with this person. It is the Narcissist who is preventing us from being truly happy. It is so important you understand this:
NOTHING stands between you and your true self,
but the Narcissist in your life!
The Path Forward will help you understand, process your pain, heal and move on. You owe it to yourself to find yourself again!
GET ON THE PATH FORWARD NOW:
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